possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
