Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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