We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
