Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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