I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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