alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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