Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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