highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
