I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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