a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
