Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
