if i can run in heels then i can drive
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
