I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
