I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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