My hand turned me down
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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