his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
