i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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