i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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