he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize