in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I love you. Go after that dick
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize