after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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