But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
