Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You're like the curious george of whores
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
