Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
