I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize