I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did you pee in the oven last night??
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
