I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
