He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
