i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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