fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
