I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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