"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
