I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
