Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
