I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
