I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
