You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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