Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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