Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
