Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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