I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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