We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
