The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
