There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize