she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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