Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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