i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Drake has all the answers
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
