if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
be right there i have to get my cape
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
