My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
