Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I would fuck him just for his dog
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
