Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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