My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
