Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
