Who wears a wallet chain?!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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