so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
