how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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