haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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