You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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