Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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