Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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