i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
