Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
