He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
