he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
