I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
