We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
