I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
