I wish I could punch you in the face.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
