News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
