so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
