You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Still dying that you shit outside
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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