Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize