I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
